Redbird - Lovebird

Well folks, it's true. It all happened in a flash, but aforementioned head-over-heels falling has led to the unimaginable (at least for me). Southern in the City is getting married, and for the next year or so shifting into the mode of being Southern BRIDE in the city. Wedding plans have begun, and are shaping up to be very interesting indeed! Mostly though I'm just happy about my future, and the fact that I get to spend it with the most wonderful man in the world. Heretofore, we'll just call him Bee. Check back for wedding updates and even a new indie-bride blog, in the works with a fellow lovebird. Holy crap, who woulda thought?



"I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever..."
- Stevie Wonder

To Live is to Fly

My God, it has been a LONG LONG time since a post! So much living has happened in the last six, almost seven months! It's almost more than I can wrap my mind around. I suppose '09 started in the same sort of haze that ended '08. I snapped out of it a bit early in the year, did some soul searching, and ended up with a new tattoo. A little red swallow on my left wrist, with the world "volare" printed alongside. Latin for "fly". Reminding me, at every moment, to rise above the things that have pulled me down, and will no doubt threaten to do the same again. It reminds me that to live is to fly. Someone picked up on that recently, and I fell in love with him.

Yes. You read that correctly. Let me backtrack. In the early days of 2009, I was blindsided with the return of the boy. It wasn't a dramatic, or tearful, or violent return. It was strangely calm. We began to re-learn how to care about each other. We learned how to be friends, and how to atone for the ways in which we had wronged each other in the past, and to forgive for the ways we had been hurt. It was neccesary. He was here in the neighborhood and in my life for a few months. And in those months, a lot of wounds were healed. His struggles were his own, and not mine to shoulder. And I was finally, definitively able to end that chapter of my life. Things wrapped themselves up in a way that was settled, and clean, and just ok. It was bittersweet, but good. It was what I needed.

And then...

Life completely changed. At a time when I least expected it, I found the most perfect man in the world. He was nothing I was looking for and turned out to be everything I needed. And since that magical Little Rock wedding weekend back at the end of May, I have felt happier and more at ease than I thought life could even afford. Now don't get me wrong, it is not without its obstacles. There are complications. There is distance. But most importantly, and at the bottom of it all, there is love. I have taken a leap of faith, and he hasn't let me fall. It is the best feeling in the world. I don't ever want it to end.

In addition to being in love (or maybe, because of being in love...), life has been pretty stellar. I was fortunate to be a member of the company for "Us", in addition to working on the costumes for it. It was a spectacularly successful, and I'm happy to continue working on it. I've had some great auditions, spent really wonderful time with close friends, and I'm working on several weddings that are really important to me. I am currently getting extremely excited about the upcoming McLemore-Stratton nuptuals, as they will be another oppurtunity to celebrate friends in love, and re-unite with my nearest and dearest.

Mom just came up for a visit, a whole week in NYC! We had a wonderful time, saw two excellent shows, and the entire periphery of Manhattan, thanks to the Circle Line. It was a wonderful visit, and made me wish I got to spend more time with Nance.

So yes, life is...as close to perfect as it's been. I can't wait to see how it continues to unfold.

"Maybe you should just say 'artist'."

Sitting and waiting for bridal clients has become my new version of "weekending". That's just one of many new developments in the infancy of '09.

I am finding myself with increasingly diversified interests, occupations, and companionship. On a recent evening out in Brooklyn, with one of those companions, heretofore known simply as "The Italian", I was engaged in small talk with an acquaintance of his. It didn't take long for the dreaded "So, what do you do?" question to surface. I geared myself up for what would certainly be a long explanation. I used to say "I'm an actress." But, that seems like a bit of a stretch these days - I do some acting here and there, but it has been awhile since I've worked on a role that made me feel like it was truly my reason for living. That sounds far more depressing as I type it. I have worked in the last year, but as yet, nothing has been able to top the experience I had working on Grace in "Bride". Sad but true. So, this is not how I define my profession. It's part of it, but not all. Because you see, I'm also involved with a the RTC in an administrative capacity, and I am a Playwright, I have become something of an accessory designer...or person who glues things together and sells them, and lastly, leastly (but sadly, most lucratively) I am a bridal consultant, and sales rep. I attempted to briefly summarize my occupations as such, after which I was greeted with a blank, blinking stare and the following:

"Yeah. Maybe you should just say 'artist'."

How true, how true. I guess that would sort of sum it up. I find that when you say artist most people assume you live in a drafty industrial loft surrounded by drop cloths and paint. But I suppose, for the purposes of bar-chat with people I'll never see again, it doesn't really matter what they assume.

So, in 2009, I am calling myself an artist. I am also (hopefully more than in years past) taking advantage of my gym membership - with the current goal being to complete a half marathon in June, and get myself back down to ideal fighting weight. I've found that I've sort of let myself go in the last few months, paying little attention to how much absolute crap I've been eating. And now it's time to pay the piper. I'm a little under six weeks away from my 27th birthday (oh christ, that's late twenties), and I intend to be in considerably better physical condition when that day arrives. We shall see how I manage this.

2008 Ended on a note of financial clusterfuck. I can only hope that this improves this year. It seems to be a constantly exhaustive struggle to keep my head above water and escape creditors. Not good. At all. Here's hoping that the supplemental income generated by The Red Bird will have some kind of a positive effect on finances. Add to that the possibility of making a little money off of acting this year, and I'm feeling optimistic at least. The thing about having absolutely nothing is that you have absolutely nothing to lose. So there you go.

I'm hoping to actually be able to foster a little bit more of my development as an actor this year than I did in the last. I'm starting a scene study class on tuesday, which I am extremely excited about. I'm also joining a newly formed Shakespeare company to experiment with and workshop the work of the bard, so that is definitely exciting too. I have made a promise to myself not to let the day job stifle everything about the soul job anymore. I am also spending far more time writing than I have in a very long time. Having completed the first draft of my script, I intend to be doing a great deal more work on it in the coming weeks and months, and hopefully getting it out into the world.

On the connection with others front, I feel optimistic. I have a renewed and deepened love for old friends, and am excited to spend time with them as they are growing into these amazing adults. This seems to be the year of the engagement in my circle of friends, so I am anticipating lots of beautiful upcoming weddings in '09and beyond. I'm spending time with the people who mean the most to me whenever possible, and that feels good. I don't feel the need to be the life of the party, the center of attention, or the it girl in the room (not that I ever was). I feel mellower, picking and choosing my social engagements based on who I really want to spend time with rather than just a desire to go out and distract myself from my own shortcomings and failures. I feel like I may have pulled the final barbs of toxic relationships past out of my flesh. I feel at peace with burying their vestiges. I feel ready for new and better things.

So, although it's start was rocky, and a bit melancholy, I welcome 2009 with the best of intentions. No resolutions this year, only the effort to be the best version of myself at every turn.

Happy New Year.