Beginnings and Endings

It seems like everything I'm doing these days is one or the other.

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that my magical, mystical, practical, physical two years at the Nei-Play will be OV-AH in the blink of an eye. I did the last scene of second year with Hugh on thursday. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Holy Hell. During the critique, Pinter says to me: "Laura, you can play this role NOW. You have to play this role. Go find the audition. Do it. You can do this," and I swell with a pride, a sense of self-worth that I cannot begin to describe. My classmates filter out of the room, and I am left, cleaning up my props, tearing up at the thought of the whole thing ending, with Maggie. And she and I sit down right there and weep, bawl, gnash teeth. Because it really is that sad. It is. The following day marks our last scheduled class with pinter, for which we have prepared gifts and an elaborate and beautiful nude scrapbook. He talks, and we listen. We cry. He cries. He takes care of some preliminary business, before pausing for a moment to look at us and say: "I'm so sad." That is the end of it for all of us. There is no turning back. He thanks us for being supportive enough for him to feel ok saying "I don't know." He doesn't know the last time he's had a class that he respects that much. It is a tearful ending, giving way to many many new beginnings.

The showcase has likewise come to an end, and was an incredible success. No broken friendships, no major arguments, huge industry turnout, overwhelmingly positive response for my scenes in particular, and even a call! Just one for now, but I'd be willing to bet there are more on the way. So it's over. Yay.

Speech class will be ending Thursday, with a Ramsey-esque flourish of Shakespeare monologues. Mine is one of the more understated, but I think it will be good. I have been directed to strive for "y'know, TOTAL breakdown." Thank you, Mr. Ramsey. Nothing like working for a trumped-up result.

Ballet never ends. Ever.

But other things begin, and begin beautifully.

We began final plays today. I have somehow (which I have yet to wrap my mind around) managed to land the lead role in this AMAZING play directed by Ron Stetson. I couldn't be more flattered. There will be far more details on this experience as the rehearsal process continues. But i'm all aflutter. What a challenge. I can't believe they have this much faith in me....

Hair rehearsals continue today, with almost a full cast. We begin to STAGE SCENES, and BECOME A TRIBE, and Maggie comes more and more into her own each time we meet. I can't believe the energy that surrounds this production. The overwhelming positivity, the way the fates continue to deliver just what it needs, it is all so inspiring and invigorating. I wish I could will my own hair to grow, so as not to spend the experience in a wig, but if that's what I have to do, I fucking will.

Life is beginning. Real life. And it's good. It is so good.

Things with the boy are in a constant state of flip-flop between BEGINNING and ENDING. I have decided I want them to be only BEGINNING, so that is all I will be participating in. I can only think about this positively, because I have too much faith to think otherwise. And what good is negativity doing me anyway? This phase of my life is the beginning of the ending of negativity. Why put more toxicity into the world? I love. I know I love. I know how to love, and I have an unlimited supply of love to give. Don't try to dodge it, boy. Do what you have to do, but know that in about 5 minutes, you're going to miss me. Why? Because I am phenomenal. Don't try to ignore it, you'll drive yourself crazier than you already tend to be. Don't fight the fates. You can't win.

Things are good. Every day is the best day of my life. I mean, why not? Right?

"i got chip on my shoulder and a halo on my head
i'm an angel with an attitude and my favorite color's red
i got god on my side, "who's that?", "hell, i don't know"
gonna practice my religion while i'm stepping on your toes."