...here we are. This is astonishing. This is magnificent. This is breathtakingly beautiful. It's been a few days, and I still find myself welling up with tears of joy - usually in the shower, listening to the BBC world news as then interview some citizen of the world who is themself welling with HOPE. I am fully aware of the largely negative world view this blog as taken of late. I am upset by it. I am not the cynic that it would seem I am. I'm sure it wasn't his actual intention, but I feel like Obama's election has effectively snapped me out of some of the bullshit I've been letting myself get away with. Of course there are other factors at play. But this event, this historic, monumental, beautiful event has done something incredible for our country - virtually overnight. On Wednesday morning, New York was a different place. We became a small town of people who actually cared about those around them. The morning commuters around me were no longer faceless obstacles between points a and b. People made eye contact. They looked up and smiled at each other. They nodded in salutation. They were neighbors again. As I understand it, this is in a way similar to the way that the city united after the 9/11 attacks. Only this time, they were united by joy, not sorrow. My roommate, one of the most beautiful people I know, upon hearing the news of victory, was photographed by countless news media outlets. Photos of the moment have been surfacing everywhere. In newspapers, blogs, slideshows - this image, this face, the new face of America is being shown. She is a face overcome with joy and awe, with a sense of pride that perhaps I will never understand, but I shall certainly try. And she is beautiful. 
Things are uncertain for me now, but for the first time in awhile, I can say they are happily so. I feel that the nasty situation that has been tearing at my insides for longer than I can even admit is finally, FINALLY behind me. I feel that I have put the ill feelings towards those I have hurt and been hurt by to rest. I no longer feel the need to rehash the details or the past, or even to acknowledge them. I have finally been able to turn and walk away, and (most importantly) not look back. It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted. I have been able to open myself to new possibilities and experiences without worrying about this staggering weight I had been dragging along with me. I feel like I effectively dropped it in the river, and now it sleeps with the fishes.
And while there's not actually anything going on in my life to speak of just now, I at least feel like something could. It's amazing how much I had been holding myself back. I have quit the job. I have not found another one. I will. I'm sure I will. I'm also sure that is part of the relief I feel. Not being surrounded by the overwhelming negative energy that one person is able to produce in a day is amazingly liberating. I have made major progress on the script. I have finished some good books and plays, acquired some fantastic music, and seen some enjoyable movies. One of the things I'm most looking forward to in this current state of unemployment is freedom to attend the many screenings I would normally have to turn down. This morning, I saw Role Models, which was just so funny. David Wain's brand of humor is something I've been keen on ever since the days of The State on MTV. Remember that show? It was effin hilarious. This film is not profound or pretentious or foreign, or any of the things I tend to go for - but goddamn, it's funny. And I walked out of it feeling more lighthearted than I have in a long while. Comedy has the power to heal. I believe that. I also finally got around to watching Once on netflix today. It was a touching story, and the music was absolutely phenomenal. I had the chance to see the Swell Season perform live this summer at the Saratoga Music Festival with Bob Dylan, and I've been obsessed ever since.
So, even though I have no direction and no plan, even though I still can't pay my bills, even though one of my cats is missing, and I'm thousands of miles away from my loved ones, and there are many things I want to do but can't, I am taking a road of optimism. I am hopeful. I believe things can be better. And just believing that makes it so.
"I'm the new blue blood
I'm the Great White Hope
I'm the new blue blood
I won't fuck us over
I'm Mr. November
I'm Mr. November
I won't fuck us over."
- The National
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