"Maybe you should just say 'artist'."

Sitting and waiting for bridal clients has become my new version of "weekending". That's just one of many new developments in the infancy of '09.

I am finding myself with increasingly diversified interests, occupations, and companionship. On a recent evening out in Brooklyn, with one of those companions, heretofore known simply as "The Italian", I was engaged in small talk with an acquaintance of his. It didn't take long for the dreaded "So, what do you do?" question to surface. I geared myself up for what would certainly be a long explanation. I used to say "I'm an actress." But, that seems like a bit of a stretch these days - I do some acting here and there, but it has been awhile since I've worked on a role that made me feel like it was truly my reason for living. That sounds far more depressing as I type it. I have worked in the last year, but as yet, nothing has been able to top the experience I had working on Grace in "Bride". Sad but true. So, this is not how I define my profession. It's part of it, but not all. Because you see, I'm also involved with a the RTC in an administrative capacity, and I am a Playwright, I have become something of an accessory designer...or person who glues things together and sells them, and lastly, leastly (but sadly, most lucratively) I am a bridal consultant, and sales rep. I attempted to briefly summarize my occupations as such, after which I was greeted with a blank, blinking stare and the following:

"Yeah. Maybe you should just say 'artist'."

How true, how true. I guess that would sort of sum it up. I find that when you say artist most people assume you live in a drafty industrial loft surrounded by drop cloths and paint. But I suppose, for the purposes of bar-chat with people I'll never see again, it doesn't really matter what they assume.

So, in 2009, I am calling myself an artist. I am also (hopefully more than in years past) taking advantage of my gym membership - with the current goal being to complete a half marathon in June, and get myself back down to ideal fighting weight. I've found that I've sort of let myself go in the last few months, paying little attention to how much absolute crap I've been eating. And now it's time to pay the piper. I'm a little under six weeks away from my 27th birthday (oh christ, that's late twenties), and I intend to be in considerably better physical condition when that day arrives. We shall see how I manage this.

2008 Ended on a note of financial clusterfuck. I can only hope that this improves this year. It seems to be a constantly exhaustive struggle to keep my head above water and escape creditors. Not good. At all. Here's hoping that the supplemental income generated by The Red Bird will have some kind of a positive effect on finances. Add to that the possibility of making a little money off of acting this year, and I'm feeling optimistic at least. The thing about having absolutely nothing is that you have absolutely nothing to lose. So there you go.

I'm hoping to actually be able to foster a little bit more of my development as an actor this year than I did in the last. I'm starting a scene study class on tuesday, which I am extremely excited about. I'm also joining a newly formed Shakespeare company to experiment with and workshop the work of the bard, so that is definitely exciting too. I have made a promise to myself not to let the day job stifle everything about the soul job anymore. I am also spending far more time writing than I have in a very long time. Having completed the first draft of my script, I intend to be doing a great deal more work on it in the coming weeks and months, and hopefully getting it out into the world.

On the connection with others front, I feel optimistic. I have a renewed and deepened love for old friends, and am excited to spend time with them as they are growing into these amazing adults. This seems to be the year of the engagement in my circle of friends, so I am anticipating lots of beautiful upcoming weddings in '09and beyond. I'm spending time with the people who mean the most to me whenever possible, and that feels good. I don't feel the need to be the life of the party, the center of attention, or the it girl in the room (not that I ever was). I feel mellower, picking and choosing my social engagements based on who I really want to spend time with rather than just a desire to go out and distract myself from my own shortcomings and failures. I feel like I may have pulled the final barbs of toxic relationships past out of my flesh. I feel at peace with burying their vestiges. I feel ready for new and better things.

So, although it's start was rocky, and a bit melancholy, I welcome 2009 with the best of intentions. No resolutions this year, only the effort to be the best version of myself at every turn.

Happy New Year.